Please do do do not remove the basecodes k.
(c) to feng feng. LOVEZ. :D
Please do do do not remove the basecodes k.
(c) to feng feng. LOVEZ. :D
Monday, January 31, 2005, 9:22 PM
Is this a sad sem or wad? Feels like i've teared so much within these short few mths of a NEW yr. Teared over nuthing. A crybaby i guess. Lols. Super like a lil kiddo, as okkar addresses mi. Whn i'm happy, i smile like crazy. Whn i'm sad, i tear w/o warning. Lols.. =P Sch was e same, but somehw i was in a pretty happie mood. Mayb cuz it's e bdae wk. Lols. Pple hav commented abt my new specs. Said it was too big for my small face. =x Oh well. But i seriously dun like e frame color anymore, feels like changing to orange perhaps? ;) Considering. Hehs~ Cocked up durin pract. Aftr 1.5 hrs of hard wrk, i messed up e last step. Immediately upon knowin, my eyes welled up. Cf, sounding v.much like a fierce mummie, told mi pretty harshly not to cry. i dint want to. Not sure wad's wrong either.. but e tears juz welled up suddenly. i tried lookin up to hold bac e tears. But e wellin was too much.. i hadda wiped away. Ms Chan cleared up our mess. Realized sth abt e lift incident. It was not by fault, but by intention. 1 of e guys frm e other clz actualli kicked e lift so hard, which resulted in e jammed-up & our 40mins locked up. Felt pretty upset over tt.. how cld he? Juz cuz he was upset over e test?? Hello.. evry1's upset lor.. =( How cld he do tt... Aftr sch went club. Wrote on e calender to remind evry1 to get my prezzies. Lols. Actualli.. i juz wrote for e fun of it. Hehs~ =) If any1 realli wana get a prezzie 4 mi, i'll b contented w juz 1 kinder bueno!! ^-^ *grins* Saw Ashri while leavin club, & i told him it was my bdae tis fri. =P kekes.. he wished mi there & thn. E 2nd! =) hehs~ *yawns* i'm so tired nw. Aftr sch, went shoppin w my family. HAhahas.. actualli bought 2 slippers - $9.90 each & a... *drum rolls....* dress! ^-^ hehes.. it's pretty swt i guess. Hehehehes... *yawns yawns* My eyes r shuttin off. Oh yea.. was noticin tis guy durin lunch. Hmm.. he looked awfully familiar. Not sure why either. Feels like i've seen him somewhere b4.. thou i'm not sure where. =x *shrugs* Off to TRY to study. Notice e word TRY.. o.O i saw him agn 2dae.. hehs~ =) |
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Sunday, January 30, 2005, 10:35 PM
Wad shld i say? Let's get some stuffs out.. ramblings u can ignore. ;) hehs~ i missed u. Thou i'm not sure who's u? Izit u? You? or you? Suddenly there seems 2b alot of U-s in my heart? Is tt possible?? Do i miss u as a fren? Or izit more thn tt? Suddenly feel like listenin to "If u're not e 1".. Was listenin to "dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui". Can i think of u? Or shld i think of YOU. Or mayb you? Shld i evn b missin any1? Frankly.. i dun tink so. Pretty much afraid nw... Mayb tt's why i cldnt tink of any1 to msg to calm mi dwn whn i was in e lift. There's no one.. ??????? ??????? ??????? ??????????? ????????? ?????? ????? ??????? ??????????? ????????? ?????? ????? ???????? ?????? ????? ??????????? ????????? ???????? ?????? ?????? ???????? & we've really changed. No longer close anymore. i cant tell him anything anymore, & i cant tell him anything anymore. i dun deny i'm upset over it.. =( i cant hide. Frm some1 whom i can tell evrything to, to e strangers or juz acquaintances tt we are today, well.. tt's pretty sad bah. Evry1 juz wishes for some1 whom they can pour their hearts to. i used to have 1.. now no more. Feels like i've drifted from quite a few pple. Used 2b close w them, but no more anymore. One realli cant have e best of 2 worlds huh? Whn u're close w some, u lose some others. Why cant i have all my friends? Why izit tt whnevr i get close to some, i end up losing some others? =~( *sniffs* i used 2b v.close w Nick too. Thn certain things happened. Changes i was forced to accept. Thn evrything changed. Yea, i can still tell him evrything.. but.. certain things have realli changed. i hate these changes.. but so wad? There's nuthing i can do abt it, xcept to accept. So.. :( i've accepted. Well.. @least we're still on pretty gd terms i guess. That's enuf. i'm contented. =) *Takes a deep breath* Gettin stuffs out feels gd. i can smile all day, tt's whn i aint tinkin much. But sometimes, certain nites do make mi think & wander off too yea? Kekes.. making mi sad & evrything. Evn teary @times. But dun worri.. i get over pretty quickly i guess.. ;) hehs~ @least i still have Qi to call my own.. How many will actualli b there whn i realli need some1? 100% sure u'll b there? How i wish i knew.. =x Hehs~ ^-^ lalas~ hehehes~ i'm fine lar.. realli... kekes! |
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Saturday, January 29, 2005, 3:44 PM
Hahas.. juz read budd's entry.. lols. ^-^ He's awfully happie, & i'm happie 4 him too. Though, cant deny tt i do feel kinda distanced frm him. Mayb it's cuz hadnt been online much lately due 2 e heavy wrkload & never-ending tests. Was pretty upset abt both envstd & molbio tests, thn came basic immuno which was ytd.. & yesh, it was juz as depressing i guess. E prob was, it wasnt a matter of not knowing how to do, but a matter of not enuf time. E time given was absurd lor.. so many diagrams to draw for explanation & yet, we were onli given like an hr? Hello?? We're not artists u noe? We cant draw so miraculously within sucha short time.. -_-" Aftr tt ridiculous time-constraint test, i was pretty upset bah. But.. nuthing i say can undo anything, so mite as well 4get it. Evry1 ard mi was complainin thou.. cld hear all e unhappiness yakkings. Some evn pretty mad? =S *shrugs* But irregard of our feelings, we all rushed for e nxt clz, not knowing our nxt disaster. We were stucked in e lift! For practically 40mins!! =~( & i cried. Out of 10 stucked there, i was e onli 1 who cried... =( i was afraid. V.scared. Tinkin too much i guess. Things werent as bad inside, @least there were company & i wasnt alone or anything.. there were still lights & ventilation.. but still, i cried. i was juz too scared. Worryin for e worst. Stuffs like.. wad if i died nw.. wad's gonna happen 2 my family & evrything.. & yes, e test b4 tt pretty much affected mi too of cuz. Further add on.. Evry1 was pretty calm i guess. No1 cried or anything. Amazingly, we evn played e number game. But alex pretty much scare mi e whole time. He was JUMPING on e stucked lift. *shivers* Screamin duno wad away. Guess he was juz tryin to lighten e mood... But thn, i was juz too terrified to think of anything. Mind a blank. Mayb cuz i was e nearest to e door whn it suddenly juz jerked evr so vigourously in my face, b4 gettin stucked. Initially, i cld still hold bac e tears. Thn ltr whn honey approached mi & asked if i'm oritte, i cldnt hold bac anymore. i admit i'm weak. i juz broke dwn in front of her. E tears juz flowed. & immediately she hugged mi.. =x for as long as i cried. Hees. i guess i kinda scared her whn i suddenly cried lidat. Honey tried wipin away my tears. Thn thru my tears, i tink cf approached mi too. Followed by jy, who tried to wipe my tears away too. Come to tink of it.. hees.. i was realli treated like a pampered kid or sth. Hehehes.. ^-^ Super xinfu~~~ kekes.. Thn it took mi some time b4 i stopped cryin. Hehes. But still, e lift was stucked. Some of our classmates were outside banging e door? Not sure why either. Thn ltr ONE professional came aftr like 40mins! Thn he opened a pretty small space in btw e doors.. thn thru his hp, he was screamin stuffs like he cant open it. He cant pry open it either. Great. -_-" How comforting to know.. But anyway, he managed to open somehw in e end. We all went out safely, thn we were brought to e security rm to take our statement. But upon reachin e place, they said there wasnt a need anymore. -_-" Well done. Anyway.. ytd was like e worst nitemare of my life or sth. Realli glad it's over.. but now.. i'm pretty much scared of takin lifts. & NO WAY am i takin anthr sch lift nor e mrt's lift. Dun trust them anymore.. =( Hai wo bei xia dao so jia lat.. =x Neway.. some huggies to go agn!! ^-^ *grins grins* *~ HuggiEs to ~* h0ney: thankies so much sweetie! if it werent 4 ur hug, i dun think i wld hav calmed dwn so soon.. thankies so much!! Hehes.. =x so xinfu gettin hug by u.. kekes.. darl: hehs~ thanks for listenin 2 mi grumble last nite.. hehes.. =) it alwas feels gd 2b grumblin to some1! =D *grins* hehs~ jy: thankies so much ger.. i knw u were v.much concerned abt mi too, thou u were pretty much scared urself.. thankies so much! Thankies for pattin my hand to lemme noe u were there supportin mi too.. realli thankies alot.. =) *grins* kaki & gracie: hehs~ Thankies kaki & jie so much for askin whthr i was oki anot. =) realli appreciate e concern.. hehs~ touched by ur concerns too.. ^-^ *smiles* Nick: hmm.. thankies? lols.. Oh yea! Saw zhihao ytd! Hehes.. thn he said mayb he'll try to get leave or book out for nightwalk thn pei mi agn as runner!! ^-^ *grins grins* yea~~~~ hehes.. hope he'll get to book out!!! Kekekes.. Oritty.. gotta go chiong my studies liao.. =) tatas! |
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Friday, January 28, 2005, 6:12 AM
Hmm.. am i being paranoid.. or does my eyes hurt agn? Insufficient zZz? Cant b.. slpt b4 12midnite last nite. Hmm.... =x 4get it. Want to change my blogskin too, but no time. -_-" Hais. Tis wk had been a hectic wk man.. w all e tests & evrything. Emotional ups & dwns. All parts & parcels of life. *blehs* Life can get so digusting huh? =x kekekes.. =P berryniCe yogurt!!! lols~ Having immuno test ltr. Hope it wun b anthr case of history repeating.. else.. some1 juz kill mi pls. Lols. i wana go River Raft!! BUt.. tink i dun hav e time somehw. =x WhYyy?? *yawnies* to my most beloved darling viCki: Not sure if u'll read tis but.. cheer up kies!! =) i love to see e cheery cheery u.. =( dun kp evrything 2 urself yea? i'm here!! U-hoo~~ Here!!! ^-^ Mayb not literally all e time, but juz a sms away. A call away. An email away. Or wad hav u? ;) hehs.. basically, i'm here if u need mi yea? Tok to some1!! =~( Hate to see u so.. i duno hw to say.. neway, juz stay happiE yea?? *hugs tight tight* |
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005, 10:18 PM
Hmm.. i dun get it. Why do pple alwas enjoy giving up their love to some1 else? It's so clear tt she loves him, but.. whn anthr ger starts sacrificing for him, expectin no returns, she gives him up. Evn thou he loves her, & not e other ger. She still deems she's best for him. =x i hate tt. But.. am i also guilty of it? *shrugs* Well anyway, had such a hard time wakin up tis mornin. Yawns. =x Juz too tired. & e 2 tests today onli made it worse. =( But still.. tried to kp my spirits up. Thot e tests shld b quite oki, considerin i've studied. Was pretty confident abt Molbio, cuz i realli put in e efforts. But immediately aftr she went thru it, realized 10 marks gone le. =( Back thn, my tears were realli threatenin to flow. Felt like my efforts were for nothing. *piangs* Totally demoralised, but wad can i do? Studied more for Environmental. Duh. Stared @e paper so long cuz i seriously had no idea wad it was tokin abt. Esp. e last Qn.. tt was e most heartbreaking 1. i was tempted to leave it blank.. i cldnt evn pen dwn a single word. He announced LOUDLY, "PLEASE dont leave any blanks.. no matter wad, write sth cuz marks will still b given.." His words kinda pierced. Wad can i write, whn i seriously duno anything abt it? E Qn was a total blank in my head. i realli felt like cryin. E 1st blank since i duno whn. In e past, no matter wad, i cld ALWAYS pen dwn sth tt made sense. That Qn? ZERO. i realli dint know anything. Aftr e test, i REALLY felt like crying. Felt like i studied for nuthing agn. Evrything felt such a waste. i suddenly felt so stupid & got moody. Heartbroken tt's all. Honey & JY tried to cheer mi up, but to no avail. Sorry abt tt.. it takes time 4 mi to heal.. =| Went club to nua. Thn end up doin e meetin mins for Starry nite. Felt alot bttr aftr tt. Mayb cuz crapped alot in club. Lols.. =P *blehs* Hehs~! Guess wad? ^-^ *grins grins* i've received my 1st bdae gift! =) kekes.. frm HanQi!! Hahahas.. he took some muffins bac to club 2dae & said it was my earli bdae prezzies! =P *blehs* Yea yea yea. i know he got it frm some refreshments, but still, it's e thots tt counts. ;) Still v.happie to receive them frm him! =P kekes.. Anyway, basically slacked in club to ard 7+pm b4 leavin bah. =) Anthr day gone. Gotta start muggin for fri's test too bah. Realli dun wish history to repeat itself.. =x |
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005, 10:29 AM
hees~ opsi. =x Hafen been updatin cuz been bz muggin 4 molbio & environmental studies. Hmm.. wad can i say? Environmental is sooooo common sensical & yet, so hard to memorise? Hahas.. it's like, u noe u shld do tis & tt whn sth happens, but u hafta memorise like all those CORRECT terms 2 use.. which is such a HEADACHE.. Bleargh! x_x Let's see.. sunday.. hmm.. =) was super bored! Tried studyin, but to no avail. Somehw, juz cldnt rmbr wad i learnt. Hais. Memorising stuffs is gettin harder as 1 grows old. Why dont tchrs understand tt fact?!?! Hmm hmm hmm! Kekekekes.. ;P *blehs* =) *grins. Ytd i was super xinfu ger!! Hehes.. i ate berrynice yogurt frm Mac!!! HEhehes.. v.nicey leh!! SOooo berrrishhh... e way i love it!! ^-^ *grins grins* Cant believe tt i actualli 4got hw gd yogurt taste like! Hehs.. So oki pple? Get e hint?? ;) hehehes.. i dun mind yogurt if there's no kinder bueno... ^-^ *grins grins* awwww~~~ hehehehes... Thn i saw darl!! Hehes.. she gave mi a "love" letter!! Ah-ha! =P B jealous! Lols.. hehes.. thn papa told mi there's spongebob squarepants vcd!! ^-^ lalalalas~~ i'm pretty much a queen! Ehhs.. =x no.. i wana b princess~!! Lalalalas~~ & i'm happie 2dae too!! Hehs~ Cuz i sent Qi tis chi sms, & it proves tt i'm her most beloved!! ^-^ kekes.. thou i do know tt ther's also fran under tt category, but oh well! =P *blehs* Nvm! Hees.. i'm still v.happie! kekes.. Some huggies to go... ;) hehs! Qi: to my most beloved u.. muackies!! Hao: Thankies papa!! For ur entertainment on sun & mon! ^-^ hehs.. Irene: duno which day sent mi such a "scary" sms.. hees.. sth abt not wantin 2 tok 2 mi le.. =x hehs.. scare mi sia! =P *blehs* kekekes.. JY: opsi. Sick le! =P Bttr tc yea? oki dorkie! Tatas! |
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Saturday, January 22, 2005, 1:47 PM
i noe i did say i wanted my hair $$ as my bdae prezzie, but e fact tt u laughed.. i thot u knew i was joking. =( *shrugs* duno why.. but it realli hurts 2 c e cash lyin on my table. E worst prezzie.. is to receive cash. *heaves.* Do mi a favour peeps? No soft toys tis yr kies? If u wana get mi sth, but duno wad 2 get, thn 4get it. It's realli fine w mi. =) *smiles* u'll still b my fren of cuz!! hehehes.. ^-^ *grins. u CAN consider givin mi a huggies as a gift! ;) -winks- My nose is still kinda running. But.. definitely bttr. Cough? Well.. recovering. But.. *shakes head* Haiyoyos.. hit w menstrual cramps 2dae. Popped 1, instead of the prescribed 2, menstral panadol b4 goin for meetin. B4 evry1 arrived, cld feel e onset of e pain agn. Went bac club to get, but.. -_-" dint know it was locked le. Suay.. Thank God pupu was ard! ^-^ Pain saviour!! Got it frm his club. =) Thankies so much!! But in e end, i dint use it. Dint wana relay on medications. Juz curled up will do... =| *weak smiles* Had e weirdest dream 2dae. Not onli was it not realistic, as in those disney fight-e-monster fantasy, but some1 loved mi in tt dream? Some1 realli nice? *super shrugs* =S Oh wells.. i'm off to curl up... |
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Friday, January 21, 2005, 10:19 PM
Did u watch tt variety show abt learnin Eng? =) Hehs~ i think both e grandpas r realli cute. Hehes.. so old liao, but still, v.much determined to learn some Eng. ^-^ jing shen ke jia!! Hmm.. is love realli a woman's lifelong career? Cant women survive happily without love? hmm.. qing bu yao zai ji xu gei wo.. tai duo yu de guan xin.. wo pai wo kuai yao qing bu zi jin.. ji ran.. Was stuck in front of e com pretty much half of e day. Stucked w my report. E discussion is like so brain-juice-draining. Cant tink of wad to write.. hmm.. thinking realli hard.. hmmmMmmm.... nitch. Nopes. Still nuthing. =x *blehs* My aim? To complete evrything b4 my bdae!! =P *blehs* hehs.. hate to hav anything dangling to do aftr it.. v.sad de leh. Hehs~ ^-^ Oh yea!! ^-^ i was suddenly wonderin.. does evry1 make a wish whnever they see 1 star?? =P hehs~ i realized i do leh!! Kekes.. evrytime i c 1, i make a wish. Hehehes.. =D i admit i'm greedy ar! Kekes.. see 1, make 1. See many, make many many~~!! @@ Oh yea oh yea!! E other day my papa pat mi to slp le!!! =x opsi. Kekes.. suddenly felt so xin fu leh.. hehes.. cuz tt day feverish.. thn papa v.concerned.. ^-^ *grins grins* Oritteesss.. tatas! |
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Thursday, January 20, 2005, 10:20 PM
Hehs. 2dae realli funnie. Recieved a reali swt surprise frm Alex!! ^-^ *grins grins* He actualli bought mi 10 pkts of tissues!! Cuz i was blowin my nose evr-so-often in clz. Hmm.. felt realli bad disturbin e clz lidat.. but.. =x bo bian. My nose too runny le.. =x sorry.. To Alex: thankies so much dude! Truly a pleasant surprise earli in e mornin! Hehs.. totally unexpected! ^-^ hehs.. & a realli thotful gift of e day! ;) hehs~ thankies thankies thankies!! Was feelin pretty oritte durin lssns i guess, until aftr sch. Wahh.. cldnt take it somehow. Suddenly got headache attack! Sians. Went to lib. to print stuffs. Ltr cuz cf they all walkin too fast, i cldnt catch up, so i juz slowly walked @e back. Felt like vomittin thn.. -_-" Hais. Frm thn on, abit cldnt take it le. Went to club to nua 4 my meetin. Super boring. Started readin abit on e lib. bk i borrowed 4 my essay, worst. It simply further worsened my headache, bside e boredom burden of cuz. Super-duper sians. Shldnt put a meetin whereby i muz nua so late nxt time.. Aftr meetin, cldnt take it le. Super sians. Went bishan w JY. &.. hahas! We bought e same design jeans handbag! ;) kekes.. super nicey leh!! =D hehs.. i felt so xin fu.. cldnt stop smilin & laughin @e shop! ^-^ hehehes.. budden we bought diff. colors.. hehehes.. Thn ltr on way hm, we saw JY's cousin! Hahas.. ehhs.. erms.. hmm.. hehes.. =P *blehs* he's kinda cute lar.. hahahas.. Looks pretty honest? Guai guai kind. But abit like those blur gong gong too? Hahas.. But i'm juz sayin he looks gd.. nuthing else kies? =P *blehs* thn ltr alighted @sembawang w him.. hahas.. but aftr station, we went diff. ways le. Hahas.. thn jy ltr msged mi say i lidat more normal. -_-" Juz cuz i said a guy was cute? Dots.. thanks ar.. hahahas.. =P Aiya.. actualli.. i do admire.. hahas.. 4get it! =P *blehs* hahahahas.. i'm wonderin.. can 1 person realli love 2 persons @1 time? With equal amt of love? It's not possible rite? HOw did those concubines survive in e past? Whn they hafta like share their most beloved w some other gers? Eeeeeee~ *shivers* dun tink i can take tt man.. =S juz sayin for fun.. hahas.. |
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 6:45 PM
Well done. 1st it was Mrs Sore Throat, who had been evr-so-cruel to mi, keepin mi up all nite. Thn came Ms Flu, who almost made my nose run away. & now? Ta-da! Mr Fever is here.. along w his son Mr Headache. & e whole lot of them is 1 big happie family~!! Poor mi. Sch started out v.cold in e train. Becuz i was sweatin in my hse, i forgo my jacket, onli to suffer frm shiverin in e train. Thank God "papa" weili was there to lend mi his jacket. =) hehs~ Nxt. Lssn was quite demanding-attention, due to e runny nose. Pretty hard to concentrate, cuz 3/4 of e time i was super zZzz-ly. Used up 3 whole pkts of tissues & still, it wasnt enuf. Started on a 4th, evn b4 sch was over. So glad 2dae was a short day. But.. felt kinda bad man. Think Jy hang ard mi too often le.. she's starting to get e full-package virus frm mi. =( So sorry.. oh yea, hope she's doin well 4 Poly 50.. along w e rest of them.. Jia you w0r~~ ^-^ *grins grins* Tis was 1 of e most terrible trips hm. Went hm alone, & tried to slp thru e whole journey. But pretty much, was cryin thruout e whole journey. Cuz was burnin up inside. E tears cldnt take it... Practically dragged e burnin myself hm. =( Thot of doin a wee bit research on e tons of essays & reports tt r all due aftr my holis, but gave up, cuz it's a case of wo you xin, dan li bu zhu.. Gave up & went to bed.. burnin up evn more.. But luckily, fever kinda subsided liao.. not so hot le.. =) smiles.. |
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005, 9:33 AM
Hais. Sians. -_-zZzz Sore throat le.. Tink i cough too much last nite or sth.. thn 2day throat super sore. i cant talk le. Tt marks e end of my life... =( Hahahahas~~ Fine fine fine. It's not doomsday yet.. but still, askin mi not to tok? Realli want mi 2 die lor.. sch will b so super bored thn... bOooorrrriiinnnnnGgGggGGgggg~~~ |
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Monday, January 17, 2005, 4:55 PM
Hais. Kinda worried abt my dad. He's dwn w flu. =( E poor man. Think i dun show enuf concern for them in e past. i'll change for e better. But sometimes, i do show, except it's thru my actions. i'm not a show-concern-verbally kind of person. & e thing abt humans? They nvr notice ur lil care-actions.. they onli notice whn u ask abt them. Hais. Which.. i'm not gd at. =( E most i can say is, "how r u?" which i feel is dumb. i rather go boil a cup of liang cha or get ur fav. food to cheer u up or make u feel bttr.. rather thn askin lidat. But still.. i'm not noticed. Oh well.. -shrugs- =P *blehs* 2dae super tired once agn. i hav no idea why. Mayb dint slp well or sth.. back kinda hurts these few days; sometimes evn e shoulder area. Hmm.. nvm. ^-^ *grins grins* Oh yea. =( i cried agn 2dae. Over a frog, whom Jon named "kermit". E rather HUGE creature had sacrificed gloriously to experimental psychopaths much to my horror. @e brink of unconsciousness, it was still struggling, kickin its limbs evr so hard.. i screamed & yelled. Along w some of my gfs of cuz. & i evn ran.. whn Dr E was like approachin us w tt frog in his hand!! Eeewwww~~~~ It's like.. his eyes were bulging out lor.. thn his body so super bloated like nobody's business.. eeeeeeeeee~~ Poor kermit poor kermit.. arghhH~~~ =S Humans r so cruel... =( Aftr it's unconscious, Dr E. dissected it. E psychopatic JOn was foolin ard w e frog's skin. Poor frog was pinned dwn. @Jon's mercy. =( i was @a corner starin & stonin.. so afraid tt Kermit wld wake & jump @us. O.O It put up a strong fight. Dr E. took evrything out of Kermit. =~( He cut out his lungs.. uncoiled his whole intestine.. & finally, cut out his puny heart which was still beatin whn it was out of e body! *gasps!!* arghhH~~~ Cldnt take it.. i cried. Over @a corner... But as a biotech student, i gotta continue watchin. Afterall, it IS course-related. Anyway, poor kermit was empty by e time they finished playin w him. My whole clique went vege for lunch... Tai cruel le~~~ *sobs sobs* =( Aftr tt, lessons were still oritte. Pract was super tiring somehw. Ms Chan once agn showed her power of long-windedness. Or mayb cuz it's quite late alrdy, thus zZz monster was settin in on mi. zZzz~~ But i kept my eyes open!! O.O -blinks blinks- & listened of cuz.. hehs~ =) Oh yea. Tml killer paper. Wish mi luck kies? Pray 4 mi kies?? =) hehs~ Oh yea.. any1 wana save mi like evry fri which is killin mi slowly? Any ways to like pass e time bttr & efficiently? zZz-ing is prohibited. =( ke lian de wo is dyin.. |
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Sunday, January 16, 2005, 11:53 AM
Actualli blog a whole para of why i was so hurt.. but it doesnt matter anymore. =) *smiles* Wad's meant 2b mine will b mine. If her best is no longer mi, mayb it's cuz i dint treasure her well enuf. If she's happier w her.. so be it. We're still friends of cuz. =) hehs~ =) hehs~ Mayb it's cuz i chose to forget. Slpin realli does wonders. No matter how sad i'll b.. aftr slpin on it, i do feel bttr e nxt day. Sometimes, evn 4gettin why i was so sad. Hehs~ =) i agree w wad irene said, abt not wantin to find simplicity, cuz e more u look 4 it, e more u wun b able to find it. But.. to mi? Simplicity is alwas there.. it juz depends on whthr u wana embrace it, or continue to look 4 it. u noe wad they say.. ;) yuan zai tian bian, jing zai yan qian. i choose 2b simple. ^-^ 1. Things not within my control, i dun try to change it. i accept them. 2. Pple who confuse mi w their actions, i try to understand, put myself in their shoes. But if i still dun understand, i dun bother anymore, afterall, humans r too complicated & evry1's diff. ;) hehs~ u cant possibly understand evry1.. hehs~ 3. Hurt feelings will get by w time. Dun force urself to recover immediately. Rather, choose to forget. Look @ur happiness ard u! ;) Ur health.. ur frens.. who love u evr so dearly.. frens who care LOTS abt u.. Still cant find any? U-hoo~~~!! Over here!!! Mi mi mi!!! ^-^ *grins grins* see? u're not sufferin alone.. hehs~ 4. B contented. Notice all e simple things ard u! ;) hehs.. Understand ur previous lecture? B happie abt it..! =) hehs.. not evry1 can understand tt oh-so-tough lecture kies? hehs~ Juz ate lunch? Smiles! Ur grumpy stomach is now full full!! hehes.. =P now i feel like zzZz-ing~~ oh no! kekes.. Made a mistake? Nvm.. evry1 does make mistakes. No1 is perfect. =) Cry over it & get over it kies? Juz dun repeat it e nxt time.. & tt's a well-learnt lesson alrdy.. *smiles* & most imptly.. juz saw mi? Lols!! ^-^ *grins grins* Wad else can u ask for? ;) hehs.. See? Tt's wad makes mi happie. ;) hehs~ So yea, my family is in debt, but we will pay off slowly. All my savings will b gone, yea i'm pretty upset over it =(.. but nvm.. i'll put aside 1 $10.. @e end of zero dollars, i'll put in e $10.. got savings agn le!!! Kekes.. i noe it sounds pretty stupid.. but heys, it makes mi happie!! =) hehs.. try it kies? To those who'd been concerned... HUGE HUGE HUGGIES to.. lester: e 1st to msg mi. Again. Hahas.. =P r u like online 24hrs or sth.. lols.. nvr fail to amaze mi of how fast u receive ur news.. *blehs* thankies so much budd.. realli meant alot tt few sms to cheer mi up & encourage mi.. ^-^ & realli, tt promise was kinda to myself kies? zhen de.. jy: hehs.. fang xin.. i realli feelin alot bttr le.. hehes.. cryin helps alot u noe? ;) hehs.. so, if u still dun feel gd, continue cryin kies? hehs.. i support u!! hehs~ & thankies 4 ur sms-es too.. hehs.. Qi: thankies sweetie.. if not 4 ur sms-es to support mi thn, i think i wld juz hav burst there & then.. guess all tt courage to not tear was frm u.. frm those sms-es.. no1 affects mi e way u do.. thanks so much babe.. *hugs tight tight* love u! *muacks* Nick: thankies kor.. thou u did hurt mi initially, but eventually, certain stuffs u said did make sense.. thanks. & hahas.. slpin does help 4 mi.. like alwas. =) Wp: Wow~ Thankies so much babe.. feelin alot bttr le. & yeppis, gd nite's rest alwas work wonders 4 mi.. =) Huggies to all who's runnin 4 poly-50.. been stressed over wadevr reasons.. look on e bright side!! ^-^ u've juz been hugged by mi!! kekes.. yes yes yes? pretty pls? yan dao pls? |
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Saturday, January 15, 2005, 9:53 PM
jing tian wo de xin zhen de hen tong.. hen jiu mei zhe mo tong le.. e last time was whn i 1st broke up w him.. *sobs* But i made a promise of cheerin her up.. i cldnt break my promise. & sides, jy'd alwas been there 4 mi.. tis time, it shld b my time le. i held back my tears & kept smiling. i kept my promise. i guess.. e onli thing happie abt 2dae was i managed to cheer her up. =| Jing: cheer up soon kies? =) trust mi.. it realli aint ur fault. all humans err.. if u dun, thn u're not human! ;) -winks- they'll understand.. Saw her today. W her. They dint evn call us along. My heart juz broke. There & then i thot.. there was no holdin bac e tears nw. Thn my promise reminded mi, i cant cry. Fell in2 a daze momentarily, thn jy jolted mi bac in2 reality. Hahahahas.. was my reply. i actualli managed a weak smile... Msged Qi abt it. Cuz i realli dint know who else to tell. Jy felt my sadness; i tried evn harder to hide it. Qi told mi to cry it out.. i cldnt... i've lost her completely to her.. there's no mistake liao.. it's over. i'm not her best anymore.. now, i'll juz remain a tool.. a thinkin tool for her.. i managed to smile all e way to sembawang. Thn while walkin under e mrt track, i chose to walk there cuz it's super dark.. my tears juz rolled. There & thn. It hurt too much.. i cant hold back anymore le. Been ages i tink since i hurt lidat. Juz cldnt hold bac anymore. yuan lai wo men de you qing zhi zhi zhe yang.. wei le yi ge xing de.. jiu de jiu yi jing bu zai zhong yao.. yuan lai you qing zhi shi yi ge zhe mo chui rou de you xi.. Mayb if i were pretty.. or smart.. or slim.. or cute.. u will treasure mi more?? wo de xin zhen de hen tong.. |
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, 11:57 AM
Hao men ar.. i'm fallin aslp agn. Ltr meetin jy aftr her wrk to go shoppin.. hahas~ But i duno how to get to her weekplace! Jia lat.. ltr lose my way agn.. =x *blehs* Nvm.. i'll tink of sth.. hahas.. i hope. i pray. *crosses fingers* Goin 2 study abit b4 goin out. Will b pretty borin studyin A&P i'm sure.. but.. nvm.. =) hehs. i realized agn tt.. i'm pretty xin fu for a ger. i hav frens tt care lots abt mi.. like Qi, Car, Nick, jy etc etc.. so wad if i do hav few tt dun evn care a hoot abt mi? Who treats mi like a tool.. as & whn they need thn they bother.. =P hehs.. shldnt get upset over it bah. =P hehs.. budden.. i know i'll still b upset whn i feel it evry so often nw. V.contradicting hor.. =x *blehs* Wadevr. =P kekes! Lalalalas~ hais.. family debt hafen solve.. whn is tis misery goin to end.. pls get it over & done w?? hate it hangin ther.. |
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Friday, January 14, 2005, 10:43 PM
Duno why, but was superbly tired tis mornin. E coffee onli helped a lil i guess. *shrugs* & of cuz.. aftr lunch, it was realli a gone case. Any1 wana like volunteer to help mi survive 8-5pm lessons evry fri? Seriously, 2dae was so bad.. i think i was pronounced dead by 1500. Totally nuthing frm A&P went in2 my head. =( Hais. Felt v.guilty 2wards Dr E. but.. =x i tried. Aftr sch, still went club to wait 4 JY. Actualli intended to go shoppin aftr her Poly-50 trainin de, but.. was too late. & frankly, i was still pretty tired for God-knows wad reason & she was too shagged. Whn they came bac, they stink up e whole room & e grp of them bullied mi!! aRRgghh~~ =P *blehs* Youwei covered my face w ziqing's bag, thn e 4 of them - youwei, jj, zhenhui & kaiwei - duno who attacked mi on e head. -_-" Winners. Went lateh w Hao, Irene, Andrea, Zhenhui, Youwei, Kaiwei, Zhicheng & Jason!! Hehes.. Jason was e sweetest surprise of tonite! =) Duno why.. but it feels realli gd 2 c a yr1 joinin us for lateh.. feels so long since we had a lateh session w e yr1s.. =( *sniffs sniffs* Hehs~ & guess wad! i saw stars!! hehes.. so beautiful leh~!! Hehes.. ^-^ *grins grins* Oh yea.. 2dae's test was still oritte xcept 4 being super tricky, but nxt tues' a killer. Wish mi more luck! ;) hehs. Hahahas.. my bdae is comin.. wad do u intend to get 4 mi ar? =P kekes.. |
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Thursday, January 13, 2005, 4:19 PM
Actualli bloggin @tis time.. wahhh~~ i'm actualli home @tis time.. wahhh~~ O_O hees.. ^-^ Went sch w hong & jy tis mornin. i was once agn 5 mins late meetin er zi.. lols. Whnevr i'm meetin him rite, i alwas hav tis 5-mins-late disease. W/o fail de leh! =P lols.. he's juz suay i guess.. hahahas.. Thn a funnie thingy happened 2dae! =) hehs. i was sms-ing my beloved Qi, thn e sec i sent tt msg rite.. i received a sms frm her! =P Within a second! Hahas.. she had actualli sent mi a sms too e same time i click "sent"!! HEhehehes.. so funnie sia.. =P & u noe wad's evn more freaky? Hahas.. all e Qns tt i asked in tt sms rite.. she had actualli replied all in her sms to mi!! Lols.. so funnie leh.. hahas.. Thn ltr she oso realized it mah.. thn we both sent each other a sms askin izit telepathy.. hahas.. ^-^ Missed each other too much liao.. hehs.. i realli miss her.. & i realli do love her... =) *smiles* Nuthing much abt 2dae. Borin as per normal. Lols.. =P *blehs* Tml got anthr borin immunology test.. hmm.. wish mi luck bah. ;) hehs.. |
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005, 9:02 PM
Nothing much to update 2dae. Was pretty upset durin lunch over sth.. hais.. nvm. i'll juz take it as it's over & get on my life w/o.. Aftr sch, went to clubhse to wait 4 youwei & zhenhui 2 discuss abt F.O stuffs. Nua-ed till like 4+pm, thn zhenhui returned w kinder for mi!! *grins grins* ^-^ Thn aftr discussion, went sunplaza to eat w jy. Oh yea. Had a horrible dream last nite man. i dreamt tt i died. Hais.. =P *blehs* Cant understand why tis sem i had so much of such dreams man.. too scary le.. haiyoyos! =P *blehs* Zhen Hui: Thankies so much 4 ur kinder!! =) hehs.. Irene, Andrea & Yee Ying: Hehs! ^-^ Thankies for visitin 2 make my practical so much more fun! HEhees.. pai seh i was so blur.. hehs~ =P |
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005, 11:24 PM
^-^ Hehs. Chatted w Nick kor juz now. Thn i realized how much i actualli enjoy chattin w some1 over e fone, as compared to MSN. Somehow.. @least u hear tt person's voice. Whthr it's "hahas" or "lols".. i love tt human voice.. tt human touch which u'll nvr get thru a comp screen. i miss him. Frankly, i realli do i guess. Used to chat so much w kor.. but hasnt been able to do so since i duno whn. He dint call.. i was bz w poly. Thou we dun exactly chat, but it's more of craps.. still, i enjoy chattin w him on e fone. Mayb cuz he's chattily lame bah.. whn i tell him my probs, he make it seemed less problematic or sth.. thn alwas giv mi those realli -_-" answers. Hahas.. =P Sometimes realli bth him. Hehs. Budden agn.. i guess i juz enjoy chattin on e fone bah.. regardless of w who. Juz as long as e person is quite chatty.. =P hehs! Oh yea! :( i lost my ring ytd. E ring my own papa made 4 mi. Durin 1 of e pract, while takin off my gloves, e ring actualli dropped along w it & i dint noe. Hais. Was kinda sad bah.. but soon recovered le as usual bah. Hahas!! 2dae i had aerobics lesson!! =D kekes.. super fun leh! ;) hehs. Cuz e tchr's realli hyperactive & so smiley de.. hehes.. realli make mi happier seein her! ^-^ Hehes.. Oh yea! JY is makin mi straight.. while honey is tryin to change mi to bi i tink. Hahas.. charlene's seducing mi all e time.. while jy keeps.. >.< 4get it. Let's not evn tok abt wad jy does.. lols.. & oh ya! 2dae i saw Darl! =D hehes.. thn i cldnt stop smiling. Hehs.. thn super happie.. hehes.. thn honey jealous. =x oh-oh. Hahas.. *yawns* ZzzzZZzzzz... |
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Monday, January 10, 2005, 10:16 PM
Hahahas.. guess wad? i hav a male nanny nw!! =P *blehs* lols.. & he is none other thn Chris!! Hahahas.. so nw whoevr dare bullies mi, i'll complain 2 him!! Lols.. & plus my papa.. hahas.. i supposed no1 dares bully mi liao? ;) kekekes.. provided those 2 dun join e bullies lar.. hehs! =P Any1 else who wana protect mi? =) *grins grins* i dun mind.. hehes.. e more e bttr!!! ;) hehes.. suddenly feel quite xin fu.. kekes.. got protectors.. hehs.. Hmm.. sch was oritte as usual. But i got so tired aftr lunch tt i was startin to babble. Lols.. & cuz of my toot toot fringe, hahahas.. ^-^ Nw i hav a toot toot army!! Lols.. =D grins~ h0ney saw mi & she laughed @my toot fringe too. Hehs.. along w e rest.. but it doesnt matter, i like my toot toot fringe. =D hehehes.. Hmm.. budden, was pretty upset over sth 2dae. =( *sniffs* Cuz felt like.. thou i'm e ____, ther's juz so much things i duno, but e rest knows. i'm human too.. dun treat mi like a useless fool.. If it's within my scope, lemme know. Dun keep mi in e dark. If u wana keep mi in e dark, u bttr make sure i'm realli in e dark.. cuz if i hear abt anything.. i'll b realli heartbroken. Like 2dae... But 4get it. i'm pretty over it le. ^-^ *smiles* no hard feelings lar.. hehes.. i get over things pretty fast i guess.. hehes.. 2dae F.O meetin. Hahas.. super hungry leh!! =P lols.. i was so afraid tt my stomach was gonna growl le.. tt i hadda hug my bag!! Kekes.. cuz i had lunch like 11am lor! Hahas.. my onli break of 2dae. =P *blehs* Dinner was fried rice, but as usual, i cldnt finish. =x Hehs.. thn zhen hui helped mi finish. Hehs.. =P It's fun sharing food w pple. @least tis way.. =) i will nvr waste my food. Realli quite hate it whn i hafta finish by myself lor.. cuz sometimes, i realli cant.. -_-" jing tian jue de guai guai de.. duno why.. |
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, 1:28 AM
Hahas. Earli morn was late in meetin youwei & zhenhui to check out e campsite. Sorry larr.. =P *blehs* Thn as usual, kena bullied agn. But tis time, yw almost made mi cry! Winner~ Aftr discussin abt camp stuffs w them, went to meet my sec. sch frens. Went to laoying's place for dinner, which btw, i ate alot! Hahas.. bo bian.. muz giv face to her mah.. hehes.. sides, onli had lollipop 4 lunch 2dae. =x Hehs. Sec. frens r truly v.different frm poly frens somehw. Hahas.. ^-^ *smiles* Craps alot w them.. hehes.. b4 meetin w e rest, met up w shuyu 1st, thn as usual, was tellin her abt e latest updates & evrything. Somehow, i alwas feel v.comfy chattin w shuyu. =) E same way it is w some others. But most comfy? Of cuz it's Qi.. ^-^ Went hm quite late, thn tried to do my A&P datasht, which btw was a flop. Hahas.. thn halfway, conference call w zc they all. Duno wad to say.. whole time was silent. Aiyos.. hahas.. =P Thn suddenly.. pupu called!! Lols. He super shocked mi lor.. hahas.. thn said he juz wana ka jiao & told mi it's time to go toilet. -_-" Lols.. thn 1 hand is pupu, e other hand is zc they all mah.. hahas.. thn end up, zc they all heard mi laughin.. kekes.. =P of cuz hear lar.. e 2 phones r juz bside each other onli leh.. lols.. 30cm away? hahas.. *blehs* But too bad cldnt tok w pupu too long. Gotta go settle work 1st, thn hanged up real soon. Hahas.. budden i was realli bored thn, think wld hav been quite fun being entertained by pupu. Lols.. but nvm! =P Alwas nxt time.. hahas.. pupu! hahas.. called nxt time whn i'm realli bored kies? lols.. p.s it's not like he reads my blog.. lols.. & time nw is 1.38am. i'm so bored.... |
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Sunday, January 09, 2005, 11:29 AM
Hahahas.. i juz cut a slight fringe! =P kekes.. & u noe wad? My fringe amuses mi!!! Hehehhes.. duno why.. but i tink i look toot toot or sth.. kekekes.. so funnie!! Hahahs.. finally sth abt my new hairstyle tt makes mi laugh.. kekes.. =P *blehs* Hehs~ ^-^ *grins grins* Oh yea! i like tis anthr song. =) V.sad.. but somehow.. i guess tis is kinda mi.. [P. Diddy - talking] Hold up, let me answer my phone Some bitch callin me about some bullshit probably I'ma call you right back I'm doin' this mixtape right now Now back to what I was sayin [Verse 1 - Mario Winans] Somebody said they saw you The person you were kissing wasn't me And I would never ask you I just kept it to myself [Chorus - Mario Winans] I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know [Verse 2 - Mario Winans] Oh baby I think about it when I hold you When lookin in your eyes, I can't believe I don't need to know the truth Baby keep it to yourself [Chorus - Mario Winans] I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know [Break - Mario Winans] Did he touch you better then me (touch you better then me) Did he watch you fall asleep (watch you fall asleep) Did you show him all those things that you used to do to me (do to me baby) If your better off that way (better off that way) Baby what I like to say (all that I can say) Go on and do your thing and don't come back to me (Stay away from me baby) [Verse 3 - P. Diddy] I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin I know when you in the house or when you cruisin It's been proven, my love you abusin I can't understand, how a man got you choosin (yeah) Undecided, I came and provided My undivided, you came and denied it (why?) Don't even try it, I know when you lyin (I know when you lyin) Don't even do that, I know why you cryin (stop cryin) I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know That I don't wanna let you go (I don't wanna let you go) And I don't wanna let you leave Can't say I didn't let you breathe Gave you extra G's (c'mon), put you in the SUV You wanted ice so I made you freeze Made you hot like the West Indies (that's right) Now it's time you invest in me Cause if not then it's best you leave Holla, yeah [Chorus - Mario Winans] I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know juz wana say i'm sorri.. i realli dint noe wad to say xcept "hahas.." .. cuz i'm too surprised le.. too unexpected liao.. too sudden.. hahas.. & to nw.. i still duno wad to say xcept "hahas.." hmm.. mayb tt's juz mi? duno anything.. Hmm.. was watchin huan zhu gege ytd.. & truly, i'm envious of e lovebirds bah. Hahas.. dun tink such couples exist anymore? How can any1 nw love e way they do.. so true & so pure & so e onli one.. no unfaithfulness.. no betrayal.. not evn a single thot of loving or having another ger. =) A love i think evry ger wishes for.. Hahas.. & guess wad.. i'm still wearin my ring. Hehs.. like i say, it gives mi e feeling of belonging to some1. Thn i realized sth too.. hehes.. am i giving e impression tt i belong to some1.. as in.. attached? Hahas.. cuz juz e other day, kai wei was sayin sth abt mi being attached.. hahas.. thn i was super blur.. hahas.. =P "how cum i duno tt i am attached de.." lols.. realli funnie sia.. hehs.. evn jy was shocked! ;) kekes.. Hehs.. nvm.. tatas! =P hehs.. goin laoying's place 4 dinner ltr.. cant wait 2 see e crazy pple.. hehes.. ^-^ *grins grins* Qi: 4 supportin mi in my hairstyle.. hahas.. =) muacks! Vick darl: hehs.. thankies so much darl!! =D hehs.. 4 supportin mi & makin mi feel so much bttr e other day.. hehes.. realli miss u babe! hope 2 c u real soon!!! =) hehehes.. Char honey: hehs.. 4 sms-ing mi thruout e whole thing.. kekes.. ^-^ thankies so much leh honey.. hehs.. JY: thankies 4 commentin differently.. hahas.. ;) sayin out wad i feel too.. hehs.. Lest: thankies so much buddy.. hehs.. know u care lar! ;) hehs.. Papa: thankies papa 4 listenin 2 mi e other day.. hehs.. =) Hong: thankies 4 pei-ing mi go bugis e other day.. hehs.. =P & dun worri lar.. u dint pang seh mi.. kekes.. ^-^ *smiles* |
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Friday, January 07, 2005, 6:27 PM
HAIS. Yes i know my rebondin was ex. So stop commentin abt it will u? =( Sorry lar.. but i'm realli v.sian diao abt evry1 commentin abt how ex it is alrdy kies? i spent such a long time deciding it ytd, & nw evry1's makin mi feel tt i juz made a super stupid decision or sth. Whn she started doodlin e chemicals on my hair, i alrdy regretted it somehw. Honey convinced mi by smsin mi. Thank GOd for her! =) Whn evrythin was done, i thot i looked like a freak. Hated e mi in e mirror. Too fake.. =x Went hm & complained abt it, but mummie said it looks not too bad. Hehs. Was pretty happie abt it thn. Felt alot bttr. Thn told her e price, her face changed & scolded mi 4 being so stupid. i fell. Deep valley rock bottom.. & frm thn on, her face was black 2wards mi all e way to tis mornin.. still black. Fine. Went to sch, 1st comment was frm JY. Still not too bad.. @least she dint prick my heart by repeatin how stupid i was to hav agree w tt ex price. Sorry i dint know e price kies? But i'm juz afraid of loneliness oritte. i hate e fact tt i hafta go all e way dwn to town to do my hair ALONE.. & spendin time in town is not my cup of tea.. esp. NOT whn u hav a test like e nxt day. Hello?? But i hadda do it ytd cuz nxt wk was a no-no due to cny traditions, & i've been puttin it off & mummie's hurryin somehw. Thn in clz, honey said it looks alot neater, thou i dint look like mi. Luckily she dint add on 2 e burden of "ex". Thn mekko, much neater. Eliz, ai mei le wor. Chunfeng, v.straight. Steph, u finally ai mei le wor. All was well.. until i went clubhse. Commented initially was a mop. Fine.. i still can accept, @least it wasnt my old wound. Aftr sch, went bac club agn.. HAIS. Evry1 commented on how ex it was. 1 by 1. Tearin mi apart. i dint feel like sayin anything anymore. Felt like juz runnin away or sth. i'm sorry.. but enuf is enuf. Ther's juz so much i can take lor.. e more they say, e more stupid i feel. Sorry larr.. but i was truly on e verge of breakin dwn. Refuse to speak anymore.. dint feel like it.. Wad can i say? Wad can i do?? Heys.. realli look like a mop leh.. no lar.. looks more like.. HAIS. Pls continue to comment on how stupid i am to make myself look like a mop yea.. Or.. how stupid i am to make myself look like a freak.. a freak for evry1 to comment abt.. laughed at.. Duno why. Suddenly was feelin e way i felt whn i was young & fat. & evry1's jokes were alwas on how fat i was.. laughin @mi. No1 wanted 2b frens w a fat ger.. evn if they did, whn u realli need them, they're never ard. Crushes for mi were a no-no. Whn i told my so-called best fren abt who i had a crush on.. e nxt min evry1 in clz knew abt it. Evry1 laughed @mi. i dint deserve to like any1. While evry1 treated my pretty best fren like a queen, evry1 treated mi like shit. Totally low self-esteem.. i hav nvr felt gd abt myself. NEVER. Dun tell mi u noe how it feels kies? Cuz no1 knows. Not unless u've gone thru tt period b4.. |
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Thursday, January 06, 2005, 7:25 AM
Hahas. Did blogspot juz turn chinese? Why r all my signin in sites all in chinese? =S Looks so funnie man if u asked mi.. hahas.. Wanted to get some research done.. thn realized sth.. i dint know wad to research! *gasps* O.o Irritatin. Oh yea oh yea! Did i evr mention how much i adore e song "Wu wei xiong" by wad's his name? Hmm.. -silence- *thinking......* ehhs.. erms.. orhhs!! Ou de yang! =P yea yea.. tt's his name! ;) hehs.. sorry larr.. i miss vicki. Hahas.. oki, abit out of point. But who cares? =P *blehs* Lols.. realized how my para-s r like broken here & ther? Hahas.. Mayb not fully awake bah.. lols.. tatas lar! =P p.s my darl's bdae is on tis sunday leh!! =P kekes.. all who hadnt buy gifts for her bttr do it fast ar! =P *blehs* kekekes.. dun say i nvr inform earlier.. hehes.. 4 all who still duno.. e famous darl mention here is ^-^ *grins grins... |
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005, 10:04 PM
Sometimes i wish i belong to someone. Someone other thn my family. Someone who will treat mi like family, who will treasure, dote & love mi for who i am. Mayb tt's why recently i've been wearing e ring Qi gave mi. E ring gives mi a sense of belonging. A sense of security or sth. Whnever i am hurt or upset.. or whn e whole world juz dint care anymore & i'm ditched aside like some neglected kid.. lookin @e ring gives mi a sense of consolation. Feelin e ring tells mi i belong to someone. That i wasnt alone. Evn if e whole world doesnt want mi. Evn if e whole world is materialistic or cruel or sees mi as insignificant, e ring tells mi someone still cares. i still belong to someone, no matter how ugly i am or feel abt myself. 2dae i felt it durin 1 point of time. Whn evry1 was fussing over my friend, & my existance was practically invisible, i was lookin & feelin my ring. Aint e 1st time i felt tis way anymore. Alwas been e case since young? Hahas.. somehow my best friends r alwas prettier or sth. Lols. Anyway.. i juz stood there, feeling so much like e black background. Totally insignificant & small. Nvm. E ring told mi tt i was still loved by her. i managed a weak smile. =) Hehs. Budden agn.. belonging to some1 brings along prices to pay. R/s alwas gives probs, troubles, unnecessary heartbreaks. Quarrels tt complicates evrything. i heard frm e friend e other day tt r/s @tis age will nvr last. Evn if it's a 6-yrs r/s or wadsoevr.. startin @such a young age.. it wun last till ripe old age. Is it true? If so.. thn why bother to get in2 a r/s? Why do u wana fall in love nw whn in e end, u'll juz gonna suffer frm all tt heartaches? Why fall in love whn u know it wun last & u're juz gonna b heartbroken @e end of e day? Izit fun or sth to hurt some1? To hav a fling? Oh yea. 2dae i kinda scare myself or sth. Hahas. Was tellin honey tt she'd bttr get a bf soon, else she's realli makin mi consider turnin a lesbian, cuz she's juz too i duno. Perfect? Hahas.. i cant choose Qi cuz she's taken. =P *blehs* But it kinda scared mi cuz i started thinking.. am i bi? *shivers* realli quite scary to think abt it.. =x oh well.. aint gonna tink abt tis. Lols. It's not like i can conclude anything anyway. Hahas.. oki oki.. wish mi luck for fri's test! ;) hehs.. sometimes i wish i do belong to someone, but other times, i'm juz glad tt i dun belong to anyone.. Love's juz too complicated for mi i guess.. |
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005, 10:06 PM
Hahas. Started off e day w e routine chattin w pupu, thn met up w youwei to go sch 2gether. -_-" Thn he was late, so end up, he hadda walk mi 2 my clz as punishment!! lols.. nahs, it was cuz i dint noe how to walk e shortcut mah, so he pei wo walk lor.. =x *bleah* Thn somehow, sch was kinda funnie 2dae. i kept laughin e whole day lor. Lols.. until honey they all "confirmed" i crazy liao 2dae.. =x hehs. Aftr meetin went rakki(??) w zhenhui, andrea, irene, youwei, jy & zc. Hahas.. reached e place liao thn they suddenly realized "alamak! Place closed liao.." Wahahahas... =P Super funnie sia! ;) hehehes.. thn ltr, we juz settled dwn in KFC to discuss evrything. Hehs.. super efficient sia somehw. Thou in btw, evry1's head grew bigger by an inch i tink. ;) kekes.. Thn as usual, i kena bullied like siao man! That yw & zh larr!! Kept drawin all over on my bk lor! =P *blehs* lols.. Hmm.. thn quite hungry sia. Hahas.. cuz hadnt had lunch mah, onli snacked alot on swts. =x kekes.. Thn ltr went off w zh & yw to get sth 2 eat, thn b4 tt went toilet mah.. thn they abandoned mi!! WAhhh~~~ i lost them.. thn went back find cant find.. thn i stoned ther sia.. duno wad to do... tai gou fen le lar!! =P Abandon mi lidat.. realli not scared i cry hor! Hahahas.. Oh yea!! Talkin abt cryin.. b4 we went in2 KFC.. we saw tis man fightin w anthr man leh! Right b4 my eyes.. i was so scared, tt i juz suddenly stopped in my tracks.. cuz i seriously dun dare to move anymore, thou they were like quite a dist away frm mi. i was too scared to move. x_x So stunned tt i almost cried.. cuz i was juz so afraid.. of.. i duno wad. Juz simply afraid. E guy was bleeding.. =~( Budden tink it was zh pushin mi frm behind, tellin mi nt 2b afraid.. else, i tink i'll juz b stuck @tt position 4 duno how long. =x On way hm, was quite tired i guess. But still.. i walked e long way home. Alone agn. Was lookin up e sky as i was walkin.. wishin 4 stars upon which i can make wishes. But there were none. No hope? *shrugs* Read e lil swt card tt irene gave mi. As if she had predicted tt i'll b wishin for stars.. If you don't see the stars twinkle at night, it doesn't mean that they are not there. They're juz hidden behind the clouds and you will surely see them shine again. Aftr i finished readin tt card, i realli felt like crying. Tu ran you zhong cong dong xiang ku.. Mayb it's cuz.. i was simply too touched. LOokin @e card.. i realli duno wad to say.. zhi shi hen gan dong.. hen kai xin.. you zong hen bei teng de gan jue.. =) *smiles.. dearest irene: ^-^ *grins grins* zhen de hen xie xie ni leh sweetie!! hehes.. super surprised by tt card, & aftr readin, i was super touched!! realli duno wad 2 say 2 u.. so.. BIG BIG tight huggies!! hope u can feel wad i'm feelin.. hehs.. =) vicki darl: hehs.. thankies so much darl! =D hehs.. 4 ur simple hug! it alwas makes mi feel so much bttr evn if i dun get 2 tok 2 u often.. hehs.. ^-^ *smiles* lester: thankies so much buddy.. realli alot 4 last nite. =) jy: thankies 4 askin whthr i was oki aftr e fight anot.. tink i was realli goin 2 cry soon if u hadnt ask mi tt to distract mi.. =) hehs.. youwei: thankies lar for sendin mi halfway 2 my clz.. tink i might actualli realli lose my way if i had walked alone.. kekes.. =P *blehs* zc: hahas.. thankies 4 ur so-called consolation durin msn earli mornin ar.. kekes.. =P *blehs* wo lei le.. ye zhen de pa le.. wo bu shi yi ge transparent de substitute.. bie treat mi like 1.. bie wen wo why.. bu xiang zai xiang le.. ye bu xiang shou she mou.. |
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Monday, January 03, 2005, 7:11 PM
Hais. Suddenly i feel all e stress levels in mi rising. Shootin up to a point whereby i'm on e verge of breaking down. Exploding soon. For a sec i'm seriously feeling so suffocated... =~( *sniffs* Truly i guess i'm a lousy daughter. Dint evn noe wad was wrong w tis family. Wad's going on.. until juz nw. Lookin @e backview of my mummie.. suddenly she feels so fragile 2 mi. As if she's gonna break if u juz merely touch her. i wana hug her tight, & let her noe i'll alwas b here to support her. She juz looked so vulnerable.. so very vulnerable & yet, some1 so precious 2 mi. But i dint. i dint dare. i'm not v.gd w expressing affection for e family. Suddenly images of my daddy fill my mind. Yea.. he's old alrdy. Wad hav i done for him thruout my 18yrs of living? Hav i evr supported him financially? All i hav evr done was to giv him probs & burnin holes in his pocket due to my illness. All cuz of my negligence.. throwing caution to e wind whn it comes 2 my health.. he had to take up 2 jobs back thn. All cuz of ME. Why was i such a brat back thn? Why cldnt i hav been more sensible enuf to take bttr care of my health? Why cldnt i hav completely recover?? & why do i alwas hav those weird weird lumps growin on mi?? Why am i so weak??? *sobs sobs*.. =~( Why is this world all abt paper qualifications?? Why cant it b simpler??? Some pple r juz not meant 2 study.. they juz CANT study. u persuade them.. u tried to force them.. but so wad?? If they CANT means they CANT.. it juz doesnt get in2 their heads juz how important a paper cert is! It doesnt @all!! No matter how much u've cried in front of them.. beggin them to work hard 4 ur sake.. it juz doesnt help. Dont u get it.. it juz doesnt help.. CANT means CANT. Some pple juz dun understand e importance of tt useless paper to them... they juz dont. Dont u get it?? *wipes away tears* wo bu ke yi ku le. i hafta grow up. i hafta force myself 2b complicated. Or else.. how will i survive in tis harsh world? How will i evr b able to support my parents.. my sis.. in e future? Evrything's on mi nw. All hopes r pin on mi nw & yet, i nvr knew. A long time ago all hopes were pinned on mi alrdy.. but i was juz too ignorant. STUPID. i cant fall... i cant afford to fall.. i cant fall sick.. alot of responsibilities nw. Responsibilities i never knew i was shouldering.. until now. i can no longer be e simple housewife i dream of being. Nw i gotta work doubly hard if i wana protect e pple i love. If i dun want them to suffer.. i gotta work hard.. super super hard.. .. but.. who's gonna protect mi? who's gonna tell mi evrything'll b fine? who's gonna lemme continue being e simple ger i wana b.. |
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, 6:53 PM
2dae was totally boring. Almost fall aslp in MMM's clz. Cldnt take it.. suddenly felt realli tired. Was abit hurt tis mornin upon learnin abt sth. Ouch. Why dint call mi along? Well.. gotta get used to it. As usual, quite enjoyed Mr Ho's clz. =) *smiles* Aftr sch.. went clubhse to nua abit. Hehs. Thn confirmed Sports Olympics de date le!! =) hehs.. feel so happiE!! ;) hehs. Thn, went hm w jy & francis.. hehes.. thn i got anthr free kinder! =P *blehs* lols.. Seems like i'm alwas gettin free kinder leh!! ^-^ *grins grins* i feel so xin fu!! hehs! Duno leh.. evrytime some1 giv mi a kinder.. or a lollipop.. or simply whn they c mi, they juz grin so happily.. like buddy! =P Hehes.. i'll alwas feel i'm so xin fu de! =D kekes.. as if i'm e happiest & most xin fu person on earth! =P *blehs* zhen de! Hehes.. & yeppis.. feel so bored nw. Nua-in in front of my com nw.. So lil pple online.. zZzz... =P *bleh* francis: xie xie ni de kinder! =) hehehs.. |
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Saturday, January 01, 2005, 11:26 PM
2dae went to watch Ocean 12. Hmm.. not too bad i guess. E way they manage to steal all e so-called well-protected treasures. However, certain parts of e story i dun realli get it. Mayb cuz either i dun understand their accents, or their eng is juz too chim & their minds too complicated 4 mi to comprehend. Hahas.. =P *blehs* But e price 2 watch tt movie was too great. -_-" So much so i was fallin aslp. Lols. i met up w my fren @1+pm, cuz initially we were gonna catch e 1+pm show. But end up, e onli seats left were e front row, so.. 4get it. We caught e nxt time slot de - 6.50pm. & it was raining super heavily outside. Some1 juz kill mi. We were stuck @P.S. Walked ard in circles. Thn he decided to go Suntec walk walk. Hahas.. i guess i kinda pity him bah. He made all e decisions 2dae. Lols.. cuz evry1 who knows mi, knows i dun like to make any decisions. Hehs.. =) & usually, pple i know r alwas nice enuf thn to force mi. Hehs! @suntec, we went to e sky garden to chit-chat abit. Thn whn it started drizzling, we went bac in2 suntec & walked somemore. Whn e rain stopped, he decided we go bugis. Thn on e way, i was on e verge of being qi shi by him. Lols.. hard 2 explain lar.. =P Budden there were times whn we were silent too of cuz. Hahas. Budden i was quite tired by thn bah. Cuz there's realli nowhere to walk lor.. & evn if there was, we've finished them all. Thn we juz stood there lookin dwn e 1st floor, & chattin agn. Lols.. either tt, or simply stoning. Thn ltr we found seats agn to stone. Lols.. whole day stoning. Hahas.. made mi so tired. Kept yawning. Lols.. Thn we walked bac P.S agn whn it was 2 more hrs to go. Ate dinner, 1 hr+ more 2 go. Went Carrefour to get my kinder, hehes! =) Thn abt time le. Thn aftr movie, we seriously dint noe wher to go le. Thn he said since i was so tired, might as well go hm. Oki bah.. go hm lor. =P kekes.. So basically, tt sums up my whole day. Lols.. him: thankies so much 4 ur gifts~ hehs.. they're realli nice! =) *smiles* & u noe wad? i'm realli glad tt we can still chat & joke e way we did 2dae, & not act like we dint know each other.. i'm glad tt we're still friends.. .. u'll alwas b a special friend. =) |
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, 1:15 AM
2dae de wo you ku le. =P Lols. It started w my lunch. 2dae half day, sch was e same so let's juz skip tt boring thingy. Hahas.. Anyway 2dae, cf & mi went to meet up our ITP company's staff for lunch @chinatown. Never been there b4, 1st time. Super bai chi mi. Thn finally found le, super happie. Hahas.. but e food was juz oritte. Dint eat much thou. Thn aftr lunch, evry1 said "bye" & they juz left liao! In all directions!! Leaving mi to stand there like a fool.. cuz i dint noe who to follow! =( Thn cf oso runnin after mrs bay for duno wad reason. i shouted for her.. she turned her head to look 4 mi for 1 second, thn she turned back agn! Wad the...!! Thn she dint evn tell mi wher she goin.. & juz left mi there standing like an idiot. =~( i followed some of them down e escalator. Thn all walked so fast, i dint know which way to go.. who to follow. All e roads look e same. i dint know which way to go back to e station. Felt so lost. So helpless. i immediately ran aftr 1 of e staff & asked her wher she goin. She said she goin shop shop. Thn i asked her hw to go to station, thn end up, she was goin e same way! =) hehs. Thn she brought mi ther lor.. thank god! Else i sure die down there.. duno how to walk.. thn somemore.. hais.. hav i evr tell u? =( i'm super afraid of talkin to adults somehow. i am scared of them. Seriously, pple who know mi realli well rite.. they'll noe i dun like to ask adults anything. Like ask those shop assistants stuffs rite? i dun like to ask. Or shld i say.. i dun dare to ask. i'm not sure why either.. but i juz hav a phobia against talkin to adults. & i am super lost in crowds. Tt's 1 reason y sometimes i hate bein caught in a crowd. Cuz they scare mi. Make mi feel lost & helpless... Anyway, bac 2 my point. Aftr tt, i felt reali upset somehow. Felt like i was dumped aside by cf for duno wad reasons. Realli sad, i msged her to say like diaos.. u suddenly disappeared lor.. Thn she explained duno wad. Thn ltr whn she called rite, i onli said 2 words to her in tt whole conversation. "Hello....bye" Thruout in btw rite.. i juz "uh-huh.." all e way. Mayb cuz i noe tt if i said another word.. i might juz break dwn in tears. But it was no use. Once i ended tt call.. i cried. Mayb tt's whn i seriously felt how lost i felt b4 tt. How lost i felt whn i 1st step out & dint recognize any way back. How lost i felt whn cf juz dumped mi there.. & ther was no1 else by my side anymore. No1 to help mi. But of cuz i quickly wiped those tears away. =P *blehs* pai seh mah.. hahas.. Thn ltr in sch, while in e bus, i was tellin JY abt evrything tt happened. Tt's whn i felt e helplessness agn. & agn.. i cried. Hahahas.. hen mei yong hor? =P *blehs* But i realli cldnt help it.. e tears juz flowed lidat.. quickly wiped them away agn. =P *blehs* Thn somehow jianrong sensed tt i was upset or sth.. started laming. Lols.. super funnie lor. =P kekes.. Thn papa oso. Kept pattin my head.. hahas.. =P *blehs* Hmm.. e event was oritte bah. i actualli "chased" away e public politely, thn helped to usher e audience in, thn e rest of e day was super sians lookin aftr e bags. It was so sians i was startin to realli feel e tiredness lor. i canot stand doin nuthing de. Either i'll cry of boredom, or i'll soon feel like zZz cuz it's juz simply too sians le. But e prob was.. it was super cold. i was freezing dwn ther w jy lor.. aftr event, went hm le. Papa: Thankies 4 ur kinder bueno!! =D hehes.. JY: For listenin 2 mi 2dae.. thankies alot! =) & super thankies for worryin tt i'll realli b lost 2dae.. hehs.. Jian Rong: hehs.. thankies so much for noticing tt i wasnt happie.. & thankies 4 bein so lame to cheer mi up! =D hehs.. zhen de hen xie xie ni.. hehs.. Youwei: Thankies 4 buyin tt xiang cang 4 jy & mi juz nw 4 dinner.. hehs.. =) |
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